Burn Up In Your Atmosphere

I don’t get myself. I can go to London for three months have lived in Boston for at least a year and a half (real time) but I’m incapable of being away from my own bed for one night in Buffalo. I don’t like sleeping over at Ryan’s or at a hotel or even at my dad’s house. It’s like I’ve built up a complex. And now I have to try and readjust to new roommates and old friendships and it’s really scaring me. I think I go through this every time I have to leave home. But the problem is that home doesn’t even seem comforting right now. I don’t like how things are turning out and I can’t tell how much of it is me and how much of it is sweating the small stuff. I just think it will be great to not have to worry about coming and leaving and coming and leaving. But then maybe I’ll be unsure of where to go next. I wish I could just be happy in life sometimes.

Back in Tonawanda and it feels…great/boring.

I’m not going to lie. Traveling Europe was incredible and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. But being able to feel Ryan’s arms wrapped around me or watch the Sabres get into the playoffs with my Dad eating buffalo chicken finger pizza…I think that’s the stuff in life that really matters. Yesterday consisted of me and my grandmother having coffee in the morning, working out with my Mom at night, and watching the hockey game with my Dad. Yes I got to see the world. But I already have the world right at home.

Another matter in my life that is now resolved. I was debating on whether I should go back to Boston because I was put in a random double which makes me nervous and mad (if your roommate pooped in your garbage can you would understand). But then I was thinking about it and I thought I would regret it for some reason if I emailed housing to cancel my room. The next day I heard from Paola saying that she’s taking classes at BU for Summer 1 and I couldn’t believe it. God really does have things happen for a reason, if I wouldn’t have decided to go back who knows when the next time is that I’d see her. Thanks :)

Starting Texas Roadhouse next week. Gotta make bank asap…

Lindsay coming to visit was a much needed reprieve from ordinary life in London. Not that living in London is ordinary but I was a bit sick of all the school work and internship. She arrived right after I printed out my official essay and dissertation and I was able to drop the off at the office so I didn’t have to worry about anything else. Both classes were DONE and I feel very confident in my performance on them. And I had just finished registering for classes before she came, I’m taking Software and Statistics, Environmental Economics, my senior thesis in Environmental Studies, and Environmental Planning in the fall. After she registered for her courses we sat outside at a cafe and went to Oxford Street for some shopping. I attempted to find some trousers but failed. It’s probably all for the best since I have no money. Brandon and I took her to the Lebanese restaurant that we love and it was delicious. Baklava, chicken wrap, and hummus. Yesss. Then of course we went out to two clubs I’ve never been to at Piccadilly and had a lovely time. I forgot how amazing dancers we are haha.

The next day started off with going to the British Museum finally. It was great looking at mummies and the Rosetta Stone. Very cultural. Then we went on a hunt to find Buckingham Palace. We found it but this trip was very wet and tricky. We got a little lost. After finally finding the Palace we took a cab to Piccadilly Circus and stopped at the British souvenir store to shop for all our final presents. For dinner Brandon made us healthy chicken, vegetables and rice and then it was off to the Taylor Swift concert! Aka best night of my life. She’s so beautiful and nice and her voice was amazing. I was a little disappointed in the theatrics of the show and the song list but she is incredible and she definitely looked directly at me. Afterwords we decided not to get on the tube right away and head to TGI Fridays for more food and cider. Did I mention that I consumed pop, cotton candy, and pizza at the show? Mozzarella sticks obviously had to be added to the list. Then we missed our second tube connection (thankfully we made the first one) and had an adventure filled bus ride home, finally sitting at the top of a double decker! Perfection.

The next day started off with Brandon delivering us McDonalds breakfast in our pjs. Yum. Then we decided just to spend the day walking outside. We headed to the Millenium bridge with full intention of going to the Tate Modern but of course it was too nice out to do that. Instead we walked along the Thames and found places we’ve never seen before! We found a lovely all natural grocery store and an amazing area near the water and city hall. Not to mention a bagel stand!! Thank the Lord. We then walked across the Tower Bridge and walked around the Tower of London. Heading back on the tube we went to Hyde Park finally!! I don’t think I would have been able to forgive myself had I not gone to Hyde Park having been in London for three months. It was gorgeous and we saw the Prince Albert memorial and frolicked amongst the foliage. After getting a little lost again we found ourselves at Harrods and decided to explore. (of course I got more Baklava at the Lebanese place first…I think I’m seeing a pattern of my obsession with food). Harrods was amazing as usual and I was able to get a few last souvenirs for my loved ones. And we met a cashier that was very strange but liked our T Swift shirts. Who wouldn’t? To end the day we headed to Parliament and Big Ben (one final goodbye) and ate at the Spaghetti House. More food of course. The evening was complete relaxation in comparison to the busy day of Fundon. Including watching Pretty In Pink and making brinner (breakfast for dinner) with my awesome roommates David and Nich. And of course snuggling with Lindsay.

This morning we had Starbucks and put Lindsay on a train heading to Stansted Airport. I will miss her so! We go together like peanut butter and jelly. Today has consisted of packing and preparing for traveling tomorrow. Tonight is the final dinner, partying, and then I’m shipping up to Boston tomorrow!

Perfect ending.

Today I feel a huge sense of accomplishment and relief. I went into this exam shaking even though I knew deep down that everything would turn out fine. Now that it’s over and I only have one more to think about it’s all hitting me how nicely everything’s turning out. I need to study for Parliament and Politics, write a 1000 word essay about my internship, finish up packing, register for Fall classes, and worry about packing. Now that my list of responsibilities and worries has gotten so much shorter and I can prove to myself that I can retain information, I’m much less stressed about the exam tomorrow. Not to mention I’m peeing myself for Lindsay B to get here so we can explore London.

I was contemplating who I am on the way to the library. This is what I’ve come up with so far.

I love nature but if I’m away from the city for too long I feel isolated. I love art, postcards, and books. I have the most amazing biological family on the earth, all four of them are my best friends, but my step family not so much sometimes. I believe in Jesus Christ but I feel uncomfortable talking about religion because I think that people automatically think that I’m trying to push my beliefs onto them. I love thrills like rollercoasters, piercings etc. but heights make me dizzy. I am self conscious but when it comes down to it I don’t care about what anybody thinks unless they are my family, my boyfriend, or a real friend. I love the planet but I also love shopping and being able to provide for myself. I want to have a job that really matters where I can have a real impact on the world but I can’t step away from capitalism. I love traveling and I love the city I’m currently in but I can’t stop counting down the days until I see my family again. I’m excited but scared for the future. Part of me never wants to grow up and the other part wants a baby now. I love all countries and people but I sometimes make jokes about asian people. I’m motivated but need to stop putting deadlines off and make changes in my life now.

I’m not proud of all of this but I guess this is part of who I am. Hypocritical? Or just unique? There’s a lot more too but I should probably finish my real work now.

Places to go in the near future:

Canandian side of Nigara Falls with Ryan

Toronto

Arizona, the Grand Canyon, and Southern California

Ocean City, Maryland..wishful thinking

Minnesota/Wisconsin to visit Jordan

I also need to go on a road trip to see the United States.

I need to prove to myself that I can do well in these exams. So that I can prove to myself that I am capable of succeeding at levels that I can’t even currently fathom.

I’ve had an overall lovely day. This morning when they were making us stuff envelopes I was watching Boy Meets World and it was the graduation episode. It was all about change and them going into a brand new part of their lives. It sounds corny but I’ve had a lot of those moments and it’s strange to think of how far I’ve come since high school. I still remember being so proud that I graduated but now it seems a bit silly. I remember being sentimental thinking about how I would leave those doors for the last time as an official student and it was the last time I’d be sitting in this class or that class. And now I’m walking down the street thinking this might be the last time I’m in Parliament for the rest of my life. Or this might be the last time that I’ll see my co-workers here. Life has so much change but as Eric said “It’s not about the change that happens. It’s how you react to it.” I’m going into my new phase of life happy to see people that I’ve missed terribly and anxious to start new challenges. I feel a sense of confidence and motivation that I haven’t felt in a long time.

On another note I saw my first famous person yesterday. I knew it would have to happen sooner or later. Alan Rickman was sitting a few rows in front of me at production of The Children’s Hour. It was my main goal to meet Harry Potter characters here so I’m happy to say that I accomplished that. So what if I didn’t see Ed Balls or David Cameron. Harry Potter and Severus Snape trump all.

Also I’m dreadfully sick of typing up this works cited for my dissertation. I’m only on page 13 out of 32 and I seriously can’t focus on it anymore. I should just be counting my blessings that I have most of it done but right now it’s so aggravating. Tomorrow I’m going to have to spend all day typing up this works cited and studying for finals. And most likely Saturday and Sunday too. But then finals will be over and life will be bliss.